Thursday, August 16, 2007
Confessions of a Broken Heart
I have a broken heart in need of repair. The person who I thought could repair has essentially decided to move on. How else can you explain the reasoning of an open dating type of relationship even though I would have an advantage. If I had an advantage, there would be no open dating and I would be exclusively yours. However, the interpretation was best described by you: "I guess I don't love you anymore." I guess you don't love me anymore. I guess a decision has been made. I will always cherish the times we had together. It does not mean henceforth that I am happy nor feel that I can move on. I have always loved you. True, that we may have problems and yes, these problems we have whether you believe them to be true or not happen to other relationships. Yes, I have my faults and even my ill-conceived times where I initiated breakups. If you look at them though, you will see that I did it so that you wouldn't have to deal with the pain that I present. I guess it comes full circle and you will have less pain. I guess in the end, it will work out for you. For me on the other hand, I leave this situation feeling empty, battered, bruised and broken-hearted. You tell me that I should date to know how I feel about certain things and maybe I will love you better. Sometimes, I just need to figure them out on my own and I have been doing so. At this point, I know that certain issues can be resolved and we can move forward from them. I just feel that we can work it out exclusively. However, I understand your concerns about the "ups and downs" and therefore, you are dating other guys. It is duly noted that I would have the upper hand as mentioned earlier, but what does that mean if you sincerely love me. A person who truly loves another would give that person all the breaks and passes to fix it. I may have been inexperienced in our relationship, but I have learned a lot of things as our relationship grew. My belief is I shouldn't have to prove my love to you in the conditions you have set forth. As the saying goes, love knows no boundaries. All I have done for you all these years should count for some merit; I did it for love. Please forgive me for not communicating better, but my actions always spoke of my love for you. If I should offer any advice for your new relationships, it is that a relationship will have its good times and its turbulent times (which could last more then one year or two; trust me, I've seen it in all kinds of relationships, especially my parents); you should always be patient and understanding. I tried to be patient and I know you have too. My way of thinking is that we could work things out and everything could be better. However, you have made the decision to move on and my answer to that is kudos. Maybe I am not the right person for you, but I will not date anyone. My personal belief is that I am learning to be better. I believe that I am the best for you and you, the same for me. That's why I'm not dating. Think about it. If I love you, would I even consider dating someone else to know that I love you. You may think that I am not on solid ground. However, if you look at my actions in recent times and as well as in the past, I believe I am on sound foundation. You have come to the conclusion that sometimes you love me and sometimes I frustrate you, while other times you should date. It is understandable to be in such a predicament. It is specifically a trust issue. You inherently don't trust me, otherwise you'd attempt to solve our problems in a different manner. For me, I believe that you will find qualities other people may have that are similar to mine, but you will never find another person like me. I'm hoping you will see that and will return to me. I will continue to better myself, but that does not include dating other people. Unless you found someone better or I find that I truly don't love you, I cannot permit myself to move on. I love you. We just have different view and philosophy about relationships. All that I may be saying can be false because you truly are more experienced then me. There is something in me that indicates that I know the path I take is the right way to go. I am not bitter or spiteful because if that were the case, why would I want you back and why would I want to even love you. The door of opportunity is open for the perceivable future, but it doesn't mean you will walk through it. Maybe you will find another person much better and if so, I commend you on that. As a famous movie line once said, "you complete me." We each have our problems and issues; all relationships do. This is because there are two people involved, with different ideas and views, no matter how similar some things may be. There are things that can be worked on, there are things that can be compromised and there are things that we are just going to have to accept. There is no smooth sailing relationship, but why do relationships last? Both sides are willing to come to the table to hammer out the differences for the betterment of the one love. These are my ramblings, thoughts of a broken heart written sincerely and dearly as I wait for the one I love, if there is any love for me in you.